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36 Funny Wedding Vows to Add to Your Personalised Ceremony

No reason why your ceremony should be a sombre, serious affair. Lighten the mood with these moment making funny vows.

Personalised wedding vows are one of our favourite ways to make a wedding ceremony feel unique. From heartfelt readings to romantic quotes from books, and even song lyrics, self penned words are guaranteed to get us right in the feels. And today we're focusing on funny wedding vows.

funny wedding vows bride and bridesmaids laughing
Photo by Eko Agalarov

While we love the tear-jerkers, we’re also more than a little partial to some funny wedding vows. They are a great way to shake off any ceremony jitters and unite the congregation, so we definitely think they’re worth incorporating into your big day. Truth be told, a little laughter might help you wrangle your emotions and keep a tear or two at bay. Comedy can be great, but incorporating it into your vows may be easier said than done.

If you want to add a little laughter to the moment, remember that these are your wedding vows, keep it light and keep it simple. This is the moment, after all, that you’re declaring your love to your partner, not auditioning for a sitcom!

Be sure not to use references that only you and your partner will get. You want to make your guests smile and laugh with you, not hear the deafening sound of tumbling weed when your joke falls like a lead balloon

Scroll through our top picks of fabulously funny wedding vows below, and then start practising your best stand-up style delivery!

  1. “I promise to take you in sickness and in health, regardless of the dangerous stuff I put you through!”

  2. “I promise to love you, honour you, but not obey because that’s a little creepy.”

  3. “There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally sworn at you. I am so sorry…”

  4. “This is a lot of pressure, eh, I better not blow this – I _____ take you…what’s your name again?”

  5. “I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road trip through life together.”

  6. “I vow to be your spell checker, grammar friend, and tell you when things need hyphens. I promise to be your partner in exercise, even if I am much faster than you, and most of all, I promise to try things, even though I am sure I will not like them, just because you say, 'Try this!'"

  7. "I want your worst - give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying co-workers, lost receipts, broken photocopiers, give me your every day, and I will give you my love to make it alright."

  8. "I promise not to watch the next episode without you."

  9. "I vow not to carry on watching a Netflix series we started together without you. Or at least pretend it’s the first time I’ve watched it when we watch it again."

  10. "I love you, by the old gods and the new."

  11. "I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Bake off put together."

  12. "I love you like the musical Cats. Now and forever."

  13. "I keep thinking of the beginning of that a problem?"

  14. "I promise not to force you to watch a Sex and the City marathon."

  15. "I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch."

  16. "I promise to love you through Ikea, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein."

  17. "I promise not to turn the light on, open the curtains or deliberately clatter about when you have a hangover."

  18. "I vow not to keep score...I always win anyway."

  19. "I promise to listen when you’re talking to me about football, beer, or whatever you talk about, and not just look at my phone saying, 'Hmm, yes, dear.'"

  20. "I promise to unclog the tub, even though you are the only one of us with long hair."

  21. "I promise to share the covers, leave the light on, make sure the toilet paper is stocked, not use all the hot water, and do as many dishes as I can stomach, as long as we both shall live, so help me, God."

  22. "I vow to nearly always notice when you’ve had your haircut."

  23. "I love you, pants or no pants."

  24. "When I say ‘I do,’ I don’t mean the dishes."

  25. "I vow to laugh, for real, at your every joke no matter how stupid or poorly told. I love you that much."

  26. "I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however..."

  27. "I promise not to take the first sip of your drink before giving it to you."

  28. "I vow to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it, even though we both know it was my manly muscles that opened that thing."

  29. "This ring is a symbol of how you’ve got me wrapped around your finger."

  30. "I love your stupid face and vow that I will put up with whatever you can throw at me—if you think you can put up with my mess."

  31. "I vow to stand by your side when the zombie apocalypse comes, and should you be turned into one, I promise to let you bite me, so I can too be one and, therefore, stay by your side forever."

  32. "Just one thing to tell you—I am totally worth it."

  33. "I love you through time and relative dimensions in space."

  34. "I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part, or you turn into a zombie. Because then we’re going to have to start seeing other people."

  35. "I, take you, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast-forward for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part."

  36. "I promise to buy you a takeaway for dinner every night because I love you too much to allow you to fall victim to my cooking."


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